things of the night

fragments of a performance monologue

here i am, naked in front of what will be.

let me start, it is terrifying to percieve yourself without the presence of others.
it is almost impossible to exist outside what we think others think about us!
everything i will utter is completely dictated by the fact that i am saying it at a certain time, to a certain person.
so, will you believe anything i will say?

it is completely up to you. but:

you will believe...

because we have nothing, but our ears
we have nothing but our days
we have nothing but the filthy breath of others down our necks
we have nothing but words to connect between what's floating in my head and in yours,
in other words friends, you are bound to believe what i SAY
because if you don't you know that then, i cannot believe you, and then, you won't be able to believe yoursleves

...you see, you already believe me, because you want to.
because before you believe me you believe i have something to say, and thus, i do.

humans cannot afford lies.

now i ask myself, what if you all started leaving, walking away? then i ask myself, what deffirence does it make?
and then i have this image of myself standing alone in an empty theater... fuck that must be sad. but, then i see myself talking, like i am doing now, and believe me, from where i am standing now, i can smell truth in every word i say folds more than if there was a living soul in there!
for those who lost me, what i am saying is this: because i am talking to you, i am bound to lie, and you are bound to believe me.

lets talk: you know i can see you.

beat

down with the words that are said to give meaning to what holds none.
vain are the hours spent remembering what is long gone.
vain are are the hours spent imagining what is yet to come
dead are the lives lived to give meaning to words that have some.

dumb is he who wants to live forever
dumb is he who wants to live for never
clever is he who wastes no time
clever is he who finds the rhyme

when i write, the action is the destination
when we fight, the battle is liberation
death is not fearless, death can die
i'll never be speechless, i can always cryyyyy.

it's not my brother, not my sister , not my mother and not my dad
i'm not happy, i'm not lonely, i'm not gelouse and i'm not sad
i don't qualify
why do you justify?
turn off the TV, turn off the radio, turn off the pc, turn on a song
i'll tell you what's right, i'll tell you what's maybe, and i'll tell you what's wrong.

sunday morning

like a man who didn't learn how to smile yet, i listened to you as you walked away,
silently, and as natural as a withering plant,

you left.

car accidants

the best thing about non deadly car accidants is you get to stay home and watch dvd's all day without any guilt.
and you get to boss people around  on grounds of inability of movement.

i have had 4 near death experiences up to now,
doe sthat mean i will never die, since i survived the third,

or that i am already dead?

white snow with red spots:

Tonight I plan to take the words

Back into my head where they should have never left

Then smash my head against the wall

Maybe then, someone will read……….

 

You are where it all ends and start again.

Drowning in my tobacco, defeats and blood:

I arrive

For every reason, for no reason at all,

I arrive

With so much papers, that I lost them all.

 

I won’t find any answers

But I’ll find so many new questions

That I want to answer.

 

“ what shall I have for dinner tonight??”

more than a room

I sit in a room with my friends

They open windows to other worlds

With their colors

I open wounds in their windows

With my words

 

 

last night out

Touching rhythms and rhymes, locating shreds of memory on my skin, preventing all desired and undesired encounters, activating all the senses of a wrecked nervous system

 

The noisy crowd stands between me and me and me and you and between us and every touch.

 

By the end of the night noises will slowly start to fade away, fumes will replace them.

You will take a very clear shape, maybe not a very clear one, but it will be quit. Dead quit. Grave quit- and there will be no images or shadows or useless odder.  

 

There will be you

I won’t be me

We won’t be together

You will be in someone else’s bed.

the after nightmare

Take her night to bed

put it to sleep

kiss your lover good night,

tomorrow you won’t know what she’s wearing

 

 

consciousness is a nightmare

so is tonight

so is everyday

so is every dream.

keep dreams on the shelf, keep them on the stove

keep your dreams right on your forehead, for you never know when they die.

 

 

keep them on your forehead, your nightmares are closer to your eyes

and your eyes are not any closer to reality

reality will never be complete

 

i don’t wear a watch

everyone else knows the time

cycles are inmeasurable

 

 

a sand castle will still look magnificent

even when it's falling

even even after it falls

 

 

your very own realm built of a woman's wrist

a needle and the television on all night

scratches, dirty walls,

stupid drowings and silly friends

ordinary sidewalks and dirty streets

detailed news

usless newspapers

and lost causes

worn out cd's and disfunctional perception

and an over load of now and dishes to do

 

no promises of memories

no consumption

no photographes to be passed on

 

consider, reconsider, forget

consider leaving

 

land stretches ahead when i start walking

 

step into your forehead

and open a window on the square

where a photographer is offering pictures for the tourists

 

too much alcohol and a bit of wind

always invites me to leave

i always do

but the space never leaves me

geography is a stain that will last forever.

will she ever ask me to?

 

never mind, never mind, your brain will die soon

so will everything else

have another illusion, it's on the house.

 

 

pour me the last minute i've got into a cup

and watch me a s i drink

 

i wish i had more wishes

life itches, i wish i had longer nails.

 

 

to her

it feels like a novel

i know it comes from a dream

but it feels like one too

it drowns in normality

yet it carries all the beauty in mornings to come

and the seduction of evey drop of alcohol greeting the last ray of darkness

 

 

where do i take your body after the music is done?

you unconcsoiusly move

i become exposed

you are asleep

i am awake

we are dreaming

when will it crystalize?

 

 

waking up in damascus,alone.

I wake up

And find only shadows

Feet walking towards indistinct directions

Smiles that carry no happiness

Hands that carry no breakfast

 

I find some peace

But not enough to go around

 

I find wondering people

Only wondering people

I find no direction

Staircases that keep going up and around

And people who love to create traffic on them

Now, I’m the one wondering.

 

I find trash bins empty in the mourning

Full at night

And then, somehow,

Empty again in the next mourning.

Someone with no name

Had to worry about bread on the table

The trash bins will always be empty in the mourning

For someone is always worried about not enough bread on the table

 

I find lots of cigarettes in the mourning

And lots of ashes at night

But no names

Always, no names.